


knowing

by irrationalqueer



Series: advent 2020 [2]
Category: Phandom/The Fantastic Foursome (YouTube RPF)
Genre: 2009, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-12-02
Updated: 2020-12-02
Packaged: 2021-03-10 04:53:37
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 968
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/27838654
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/irrationalqueer/pseuds/irrationalqueer
Summary: Dan’s trying not to get too ahead of himself, but he’s laying in AmazingPhil’s bed and like - there’s really no other way to interpret this except that AmazingPhil wants him there.
Relationships: Dan Howell/Phil Lester
Series: advent 2020 [2]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/2035507
Comments: 20
Kudos: 71





	knowing

Dan’s trying not to get too ahead of himself, but he’s laying in AmazingPhil’s bed and like - there’s really no other way to interpret this except that AmazingPhil wants him there. He would’ve kicked him out, Dan thinks; there’s a sheet haphazardly draped over a futon in the corner of the room that he could probably sleep on, or the couch downstairs. But Phil’s got an ankle shoved between Dan’s feet and a knee between Dan’s thighs and they’re both just in pants and t-shirts and he can’t really deny that any of it is happening. They’re not going to have sex. They literally just met in person today. They’re just kind of looking at each other; Phil’s eyes are wide but unfocused, like he’s sleepier than he wants to admit. Dan’s absolutely wired, knows he won’t be sleeping much tonight, and he can’t look away.

He’s seen these eyes hundreds of times - in photos, in videos, on skype. Phil’s got this way of - looking at Dan like he can see right through him, like with just a glance he can see exactly what Dan’s thinking. The only reason it isn’t absolutely terrifying is that Phil clearly has no idea how to put any of it into words, no matter how much he sees, so it feels safe. He’s seen these eyes hundreds of times but never this close; never in this much detail. He could probably spend ages just staring at them and categorizing the different colors, if that wasn’t the kind of thing he knows is overwhelming and weird for other people. 

Dan realistically knows that Phil is just himself but More on camera - more loud, more funny, more emphatic, more ridiculous. But that hasn’t sunken in yet. Today felt kind of like meeting someone he’s always known and also like meeting someone he’s never actually had a personal conversation with all at once. He’s embarrassed at how dazzled he was, at first. Phil was very kind to ignore it. As the day went on it faded a little bit - Phil’s just a guy, after all, no matter how much he means to Dan. He’d slurped his coffee unattractively and snorted when he laughed once and tripped over his feet, and while it definitely brought Dan back down to earth, it also just made Dan feel - fond of him. He’s fond, already. It’s ridiculous.

Phil is Dan’s best friend, but he’s never had a best friend like this before. He's had friends who talked about him behind his back, friends who called him names in hallways and friends who refused to make eye contact with him in public. He’s had friends he could make out with or sleep with and friends that he felt this particular secret affection for and friends that he thought he was in love with. To say that Phil is massively different from all of that would be a massive understatement. But he trusts Phil. He cares about him and he knows Phil cares about him. But even knowing that - he’s never felt like he could tell someone anything without being judged, until now. He’s never wanted that level of honesty with someone before, never thought about it as a good thing rather than a thing that gets him punched or whatever. 

He wants other things from Phil too, things that he thinks Phil would happily give him. He wants things he’s still kind of afraid to think about in too much detail. He knows Phil wants things from him too, and he hasn’t been shy about it so much as just kind of cautious of what he thinks will scare Dan off. They’d almost kissed, and at the last moment Phil had pulled back blushing, but Dan had still caught Phil staring at him almost hungrily a few times today, eyes dark in a way that made butterflies zoom around in his stomach. However intense it had been over the phone and on skype, being face to face with someone who is so obviously attracted to him is almost overwhelming. They’re probably not going to do anything about it, at least not tonight. But it’s undeniable and just thinking about it makes Dan kind of breathless.

So - he knows Phil wants him here. He knows Phil wants him in his bed, specifically, with him. Their legs are tangled together and Phil’s inching his hand across the mattress between them like he’s going to touch Dan and Dan’s just trying not to make it obvious he’s holding his breath. The way he felt about Phil before they ever met, when he was just begging for his attention on twitter and then just trying to keep Phil interested, before he realized he didn’t have to try - it hasn’t disappeared now that he’s seen Phil struggle to order drinks from a disinterested waiter or go full deer-in-headlights when the grumpy apple store employee had given them the stink eye. There’s just a new layer to it. He can think Phil’s incredibly hot, broad shoulders and strong arms and all, and also just think he’s clumsy and silly when he trips over his own feet or words. 

Phil does eventually reach out, touches Dan’s hand with a sleepy smile. 

“I’m so glad you’re here, Dan,” he says, words slow and slightly slurred like he’s seconds from passing out as he strokes Dan’s hand, yawning through the end of it. Dan knew this already, has been faced with the evidence in the form of Phil’s easy smiles and awkward blushing all day. But the confirmation is - nice. It lets him breathe easier. 

Dan smiles back at him, twisting his wrist until he can grab Phil’s hand in his own, lacing their fingers. “Me too,” he says, squeezing a little bit and letting his eyes drift closed.

**Author's Note:**

> an anon prompted sappy fetus phan and this is just the first of many times i allowed myself to spiral over that :)
> 
> on tumblr @ irrationalqueer.


End file.
